release

why? why? why? nothing is ever good enough, i'm just writing now, thoughts spewing out on the paper, just writing, just releasing, just letting go, just living in the NOW, the kairos, the moment, you know it don't you?

i go in and i spend my whole fucking CPs, and hours, and frees and what do i get? not even a fucking well written. i'll tell you what i fucking get when i work my ass off, i get a fucking, "we want the best for you sweety, but we don't want you to get stuck as a sports editor. people won't take you seriously."

this makes me fucking explode. i just want to blow their fucking heads off, you know that, don't you? well i do. i live it every goddam day. try taking that.

they don't get it. they don't fucking get it, so why do they comment? they think they know what they're talking about, that's why. they think they're some shit smart fucking intellecutals who can march in and fucking get everything right. well, let me tell you, they're NOT.

i need to live my own life. they need to stop living it for me. and you know what gets me? it's like they've got a fucking gun to my fucking head. if you don't do this, we'll take this away. SCREW IT! JUST RELEASE! LIVEINTHEMOMENTFORONCE. STOPWORRYING. they don't get it. they never will.

and when i try to tell them, they're like, "what, you're trying to be like slyter now?" NO, I'M TRYING TO BE MYSELF, you dumb shit. i can act differently without incurring you're wrath, can't i? or will i be squashed and disinigrated in your great HOLY prescene?

i'm beyond anger. i've given up. just let it be. do what you want, don't let them stop you. live your life, not theirs. take their influence only if you agree with them. don't let them take you hostage, fight back, save your pride, your dignity in the face of these hulking titans. you can be free, you know. it's all in the mind, it's all about you. whatever you want.

sorry about the constant profanity, but it needed to be done. we need to release, live, and this is the only place i can do it. it's just these powerful emotions, and you know they can put you in quite a fix. i like them, but it's times like these when i go ballistic.