FM

It's sad I don't have something more meaningful in life to grasp on to, but we all must have our whims and pleasures, and this is mine. I hate myself for going on during class checking, checking what? There's nothing new...It's habit, the colleague of addiction. The old habits, hardset, what happens if we break them? Nothing, but we don't know that. We think the world will end, we'll be struck dead by lighting, instantly killed, and, as I'm telling myself all this, I know I'm not ever going to break my habits... Same websites, same routine at night, in the morning.

Simply put, myself, and I think everyone else, is afraid. We're afraid of the one barrier, that flimsy barrier, thinner than tape, that separates us from the normal and the different. It's terrifying to cross into that world. The mind creates a more powerful barrier, making that tape a steel wall six hundred feet in the air, invincible, and we can't cross it. But in reality, it's space and air that separate us. Nothing more, nothing less.

It's strange really, to think that for the 5 months, barring weekends, the first 30 minutes of my day will be exactly the same, no deviation whatsoever. And, in that respect, my day will be the same: go to school, learn, go home, homework, bed. Then, get up and do it again. Honestly put, it's a depressing cycle and a wonder anyone can take it 180 days of the year.

But what motivates us through this monocrity? really, what does? Nothing comes to mind for me. Not friends, not family, not even the desire to learn becuase all this becomes trite eventually. For a future life, then. A future life of what? The same. The exact same! Nothing different! Why don't they see it? Life is a timeline of the same things repeated over and over and over again for 99% of the population. It's a wonder they don't kill themselves. They're missing out on it all.

The thinking man, he is that 1%. He represents a different life, deviating from the norm, crossing that barrier, taking those chances, sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding, but that doens't matter to him. It's merely the action of crossing the line that separates him from 99% of the population. And that's what makes him so radically different from everyone else.

I want to be that 1%. Right now, I can picture and discuss it, but I don't know if I can take risks without fear, for that is the mark of an intelligent man, one who weighs the risks and benefits equally. It's difficult, I'll admit, and I think everyone else would too, if they could connect with me. But habit and addiction, these are my most powerful enemies. And I shall combat them with all my strenght, every ounce of it.