Goodbye Columbus

Well it was bound to happen again, wasn't it? This time though I've learned from my mistakes and will not make the same errors I did previously. I think though, the more important aspect, is, for the first time ever, I've truly emotionally changed someone with my very own words. For a writer, there is nothing more assuring than knowing you can do that with your words. True, these are probably the most charged words I've ever written, but if I did that once, then surely I can do that again. And that is what will keeping me writing, the search to produce something like that another time, maybe even two more times.

She's nice but I'm not sure it will work. In my heart I hope it will because she's smart and nice and cute. But, as I learned before, there're too many unknowns, too many spanners to my plan. I don't, maybe I'm the eternal pessimist, but I hope that when I walk into that class she's there smiling at me, rubbing legs under the table while the teacher's words mean nothing to me because I'm so wrapped up in her. That's what I want.

I guess it's Goodbye Columbus for the other. It'd been good for a while, but there'd been too much between us. So that's that. What's done cannot be undone. I'm already tired of it all, the afternoons spent wiling away my time at soccer only to never touch the field. Why do I refuse to speak up? Intelligence, or cowardice? I like to think the former, but realistically, it may be the latter. I could scream and yell for more time, but what of it? It would lead me to nothing. Probably anything I do will result in nothing.

So this is the state of my life. One final word- there's never a better feeling in the world knowing someone likes you. I would chatacterize it as excessive exhiliaration. I've felt it twice so far in my life. Hopefully these will be the first two in a long line.