wow

i just read the most incredibly powerful passage of literature ever written. chapter 9 - A Bend in the River V.S. Naipaul. everything that's been in my mind, that I've always wanted to spew on paper has been set down in that chapter in the story of one man, Indar. amazing.

this chapter made me realize everything- especially all the frivolities we live in life. why the hell are we so concerned with materialism and not the human soul? why are we so damn concerned with what's on tv when we don't stop to consider our own existence? that's the remarkable thing God has given us- the ability to ponder and discern our own existence. much of life, then, it seems, is whittled away in inane, wasteful, monotonous days. what do we accomplish in those days?? nothing. the thing is, it's alright if we don't write the most powerful literary passage known to man every day, but what's more frightening is that we don't stop to consider what we've accomplished. and, i think, if we look back, we find many days have been wasted.
what's one day? you ask. what's one life? i ask. simply a collection of many days. days to weeks to months to years to decades and then you're dead. you can't stop it, it's inevitable. then why do we not take action, do something about this?
fear and ignorance. we want to live in a blinketed society, glossed over by guady materialism. we want to forget that some day we'll be dead and gone. and that's fine. i do that- to not do so would be suicidal. but, there are times in life when we need to stop and ponder the deep questions: what will i do with my life? how will i leave my mark on the world? and many people leave these questions unanswered, telling themselves they'll answer them when they're less tired or have more time- but time slips away and the moment is lost. and they never answer. and that's why the majority of the world rots away, striving for promotions that will take them closer to what??? another promotion. it's a ladder with no top.

but there's hope even in the blackest of abysses. my favorite quote: even though i walk through the shadow of the valley of death, i fear no evil, for You are my savior.
for those that recognize this, that consider these deep questions, there's always hope. and these are the great men of the past, the present and future. these are the men who are never forgotten even after centuries have elapsed. "the world is built for them" says Indar (or something to that extent).

i think Indar and I are strangely similar- we've both gone from hopeless depression to bliss many times. many people have done so. but there's no better feeling than knowing you will be remembered by posterity that your name will be engraved in the minds of millions for eons to come. there's no better feeling. and there's no worse feeling than realizing you'll be completely forgotten- a withered gravestone in the corner of a cemetery that the idle curious come to gawk at. you've wasted all your energy, all your mind power, all your amibitions, all your hopes, all your dreams for absolutely nothing (certain people i know are beginning to show these sickening tendencies). nothing. there's nothing less than nothing. but many people never even consider these feelings and pass unnoticed like a grain or sand on an infinite beach.

fine- i can live frivolities- for a while. i can worry about what soccer game's on tv and i can worry about when jack's coming over. i can because i know at the thick of it, life's more than frivolities. of course it's more- God made it more. and those of you who believe there's no God are terribly mistaken- take one walk in the woods or read chapter 9 and maybe, then maybe you'll be changed (that is, if you live more than frivolities).

v.s. naipaul starts- and i end- with the quote: "“The world is what it is; men who are nothing, who allow themselves to become nothing, have no place in it.” I will have my place in the world. One thing is certain: I will not allow myself to become
nothing.