Interesting

Before I begin, just a clarification: I'm writing this not becuase I need a space to vent my mind and rant for hours upon end. I could do that where ever the hell I want. No, I writing this to preserve memories: the little things that I'l forget in the next month or two, but in years, will look back on and smile about and think to myself, "Man, have I changed". So, this is more of a meter to gauge how different a person I become rather than a place to blabber. But, while I do have the opportunity, I might as well mention some interesting things.

Today was a good day in practice. Not, however, in the way I played. I couldn't hit the fricking net; I kept narrowly skying the ball over which was very frustrating. And whenever I did get it on net, it was saved. Anyway, I'll pull that together. But, towards the end of practice, we were going to pick up balls that had completely missed the net and gone over (almost all of them). I went arround looking for some balls near this small shed, while the majority of the players (the douches) went around fucking off. Tom, our coach, a Brit from Manchester (a City supporter, I'll venture rather than United ;)), saw this and made us run. No big deal. Except the good guys on the team weren't doing anything while the retards pulled us down. So we ran and got tired and the rest of practice was very flat and emotionless.

After practice, Tom came up and apologized to me for making me run, but did make a valid point that I'm part of the team, and I have to accept what the team as a whole does. He's what I would call one of the few insightful people in the world. He sees things as they are, not through some distorted kaliedoscope (sp.) as the majority do. He told me what he thinks of the team: "Max is an idiot. He may be big in this school, but wait 'till he gets out into the open world. Then, saw big guy who doesn't like him will come and beat him up. And those three," he said, pointing to Kevin, Sam, and Dan, "are idiots. They do everything he says." Tom did say he'll tell the coaches about the goofs. He also made the point that he really appreciates my helpfulness and "it will be repaid, if not on the football pitch, then later in life."

That's what made me like him. He can see. He has no weights on his eyes. He doesn't look the other way. More people should be like this. I think I'm like this, but I don't like to judge myself. A lot of people aren't like this, and many people that are, are douches (cite: Phyl Ryan quote from his facebook: I only use British English. I believe in equal rights and that America is a fascist wasteland. Don't be surprised if I'm living in London after university. I mean, that just screams: DOUCHE in large capital letters. How could anyone be so stupidly ignorant? He hasn't seen the real world. But, I digress). Anyway, I was going to say that there are very few people in the world who have this special self-awareness.

And I wish there were more people, beucase if there were, the world would be a better place.

before i forget: username: silemawanderer password: the usual

schools started, been off for a long time, missed some stuff, went to Europe and back again, preseason soccer, first days of a new year, nothing interesting.

first loss today one-nil against Vorhees. now we're 1-1-2. year's looking down already. good coaches, thought, just can't put the ball in the net. i throw in effort's worth, but the past couple of days, i've been just a whisker away from goal (to use an English commentary phrase)

baseball talk today, meeting tomorrow. same old shit from the dick (yes, I said it), the dick C.Star (misspelled his name on purpose), and J.Tylson (again misspelled). B.Burrdorf is apparantly going to throw away all his training in the outfield and play first base (who'd have thunk it?). well, that means that i fall to third in the depth chart in their thoughts, behind a crappy fielder and overall player (Coriigan) and someone who's never played first before. Just my luck.

In the end, we'll see what happens, i'm pretty sure i'll be on JV again, but it doesn't matter. i just want to play. What really bothers me though, is that they immeadiately think i'm such a bad player (which, quite a few people other than myself think is not true). They think they're so good, while, in reality, they're all crappy cunts who can't play for shit (C.Star are you listening?). not to say i'm such an amazing player. i admit i have hitting problems, but they refuse to admit any of it, which annoys me.

i'll probably regret saying this, but, words are words, which are words that are words. they remain on paper forever, but i don't care. somewhere, sometime, somehow, i need to voice my opinions and not let them die inside of me, for that would be the real tragedy.

anyway, three tests tomorrow. jury's out as to how i'll do. Spanish, especially. but, what must happen will happen. time will tell.